Neglected

I have neglected this poor little blog, haven't I?

For good reason though.  I have been going through a period of self healing so have pretty much been wanting to keep to myself.  I'm still working through the issues so if I don't update for a while, at least you know why.

We've had some miserable cold weather again recently, even a few hard frosts that made it unpleasant to crawl out of bed at 4.30 in the morning.  But these last three days have been lovely and I have managed to mow the lawn again.  It's amazing how quickly the grass grows here, I think I'll have to cut it every week at this rate.

We are no nearer to renting a place, Andrew has had to spend money on accommodation for a course he did up north, then we had to travel up that way again for his great aunt's 80th birthday which meant a night in a motel.  Just one expense on top of another lately!

So at this stage, it looks like we won't be moving til September-ish.

Like a slug

That's how I'm feeling today.

Yesterday was the worst day, I felt so uncomfortable the whole day with a heavy period.  I should have been resting but instead I was running around like a blue ass fly, cooking and cleaning. We had about 8 friends over for home made pizzas last night, two guests were late because they decided to ride their bicycles to our place, 30 miles in the wet and it took longer than expected as they got a bit lost.  I almost convinced Andrew to postpone the pizza night to next weekend but I went through with it anyway.  I'm not glad that we still did it, I'm just glad it's over.

I am physically lethargic, mentally and emotionally battered. Angry that my body is so messed up, angry that things just haven't gone right for us. Bitter that it has gone right for others. I guess if there is anything good to extract out of the anger and bitterness, it is the motivation to pick myself up and prepare to start again.



I think I'll have a shower and go to bed early.  Not sure I can be bothered with cooking dinner tonight, Andrew will have to fend for himself.

It's not just me it's the drugs

I thought I was just upset because it would have been our son's first birthday a few days ago but I can safely say that the Norethisterone has a common side-effect of PMT.  I half wondered if that might be the case as I don't usually get PMT around the time my period is due.  Sometimes I feel crabby if I'm in the painful throes of a period but it rarely happens beforehand.

I am feeling better today, even though my period has started and I'm having a heavy day with strong cramps.  The upside to today is that I'm getting some Scooby Love.

Scooby is a bouncy 4 month old Border Collie bitch (yep, Scooby is a girl...  not that I can laugh at that, I called my cat Tina when I was a 2-3 year old...  Tina was a boy), she belongs to a Buddhist couple who live in my village.  They had to go to London today and needed someone to care for Scooby overnight.  I've already taken her for a walk along the top road and across a paddock (oops, sorry - it's a field here, not a paddock!) and she bounced around like a crazy rabbit the whole way, it was funny to watch until she started playfully snapping at my hand every time she ran back to me. 

I've just locked Scooby away in her "bed" which is a massive wire crate that gets transported from her owners' place to here or wherever they happen to take her overnight.  I think I'll have to take her for a super long walk tomorrow to wear her out a bit, she was still bouncing around after our 1/2 hour stroll this afternoon.  I had her sitting on the lounge room floor near me, then I got up and left the room for all of about a minute and when I came back, Scooby had decided that she preferred my seat on the sofa, so that was the line in the sand for me.  She loves her crate, I've draped some towels over it to make her feel safe, so she settled down very quickly and is having a nice quiet nap - I was half expecting her to kick off and start crying and carrying on but she's fine!

Andrew is due home this evening from his 4 day course in Cheshire, he is stopping on the way home to see Grandma and possibly the Daz Man aka Freaky Boy.  I think they were going to see a movie, I'm not sure.

I will have to take some pics of Scooby later and post them just to show you how cute she is.

Dickhead drivers

Allow me to pre-face this by saying that not all British drivers are idiots, most are very courteous.

Where we live in north Dorset it is very pretty, very hilly countryside with lots of narrow winding roads which are often lined with tall thick hedges (which make it impossible to see oncoming traffic when the road winds left and right).  So narrow are the roads that in some places cars can only go single file and if someone else is coming from the other direction there is usually a courtesy system where the first person to be able pull into a driveway or side street or even a puddle will do and the other driver will drive carefully past and give a quick salute to say thanks.

Not today.

I was coming back from doing some shopping in a town about 20 minutes drive away, and I decided to come home via the back road as there is less traffic.  I always drive so carefully on the back roads since a few months ago when I almost had a head-on smash with a courier van driver who thought he was the only person on the road that day (don't get me started on courier drivers either, I've had it up to my teeth with them!).

So today, a woman driving a big van saw me coming with about 30 metres to spare and we both stopped, unsure of who was giving way to who first.  She then pulled over to the side of the road as much as she could to let me pass her.  The problem was, there was kerbing on the other side of the road so as I tried to pass her my car's tyres were wedged up against the kerb on the left and my side mirror on the right was about an inch away from scraping against the side of the van.

I considered reversing back up the road (around a bend, mind you) but then I was suddenly trapped by another vehicle approaching behind me.  So I wound the window down and told this woman I couldn't pass and she would have to move back.  She and her boyfriend proceeded to have a go at me for not backing up, despite the other vehicle now stopped and waiting for them to pass him.

How can they expect me to reverse about 20 metres back when all it took was for them to reverse a whole three metres?  Twats!

Honestly, van drivers have such an attitude on the road here, I really think they believe they should have priority because they drive a larger vehicle.  No, the roads are there to share people, pull your fucking heads in.

British roads are not designed for carrying this much traffic, their "lorries" (they are not lorries, they are trucks) often take up the whole lane and then some of the opposite lane on the main road (called an A road - B roads and C roads are even narrower and in even shoddier condition than A roads!).  For the amount of traffic, the Brits are rubbish at maintaining their roads.  Australian roads are a luxury to drive on by comparison.

Rant over.

Today would have been your birthday

Today would have been our son's first birthday, but he isn't here with us, we lost him at 10.5 weeks gestation in September 2008.  His due date was the 24th of April 2009.

Whenever someone tells me they had a miscarriage and they just can't seem to get over it, I truly sympathise with them and say "it is never easy, but it does get easier".  In a sense, it does get easier.  But on days like today, it's not easy.  It is painful.

Painful because I still have flashbacks of the miscarriage.

Painful because there will be no birth story for him, no joyous announcement, no happy visitors to welcome him into the world.

Painful because we aren't able to hold a warm, squirming little boy in our arms or breathe in the sweetness of him.

Painful because I know that thousands of other women with one year olds are celebrating their babies' first birthdays.  All those exquisite little things to plan - the party theme, the cake, the guest list.

Painful because every day we are missing out on watching our son grow and develop his personality.

Painful because I have visions of him crawling, pulling himself up, taking his first steps, reaching out for me and falling on his bum, only to stand up and try again.

Painful because I will never know that little boy who grew inside me for those few precious weeks.

And then there is the pain of not knowing if I will EVER experience those things.  It's bad enough that it was all stolen away from me four times, but the boot gets laid in even deeper, the knife twists even harder, when I realise that may never happen.  The real kicker is when it happens so easily for other people, especially if they hadn't planned it or they already abuse the children they have.

I think of our little boy every day, without fail.  There is a part of me that will never fully heal, I feel like my life is incomplete without him.

Slow down!!!

Bloody hell, where is all the time going?  It seems like only two days since I updated here, can someone please stop the clocks for just a while?

I've got another busy week, one of the milk recorders is very sick at the moment so farms are being shuffled around and a few have been thrown my way.  So what started out as a quiet week with two farms has expanded to five.  Ah well, at least it means more money in the bank.

I have had some big orders for my Wikaniko products, and one customer has given me a repeat order for a friend of hers in Spain!  I didn't tell her that there is already a distributor in Spain (the owner of the company!!), but I don't think it would have made a difference as she is going to take the products with her when she flies over for a holiday.

Andrew has gone away for tonight, he's gone to Cornwall to check out a cattle sale (not that he can buy anything, he's just going for a stickybeak).

We have bought me a wee little car, it's a Vauxhall Corsa (for the Aussies, it's a re-badged Holden Barina), it's pale metallic green and has a sunroof.  It's about 10yrs old and has less than 50,000 miles on the clock, manual transmission, and I think I'll get around 450-500 miles from a tank of unleaded which is good enough for now.  We probably want the car to last a couple of years (hopefully less if I can save enough money to upgrade).

I suppose you want to see a pic of the car now that I've told you about it.  I guess I can arrange that a bit later today or tomorrow.

Flat out like a lizard drinking

Andrew has been plodding along with his job on the farm, he can't wait to give his month's notice so he can get started in his new job as a sales rep for a sire company. 

I finished my training for my Embrace Eco business today, and I have managed to collect over 200 pounds worth of orders in my first couple of weeks, just from showing the catalogues to a few people in the village.  Hopefully today or tomorrow the orders will arrive.  I am expecting some more catalogues and stationery, and once I have those I can start door knocking and building up a customer base.

For the last week or so I have had trouble winding down and going to sleep at night because my mind is constantly on Embrace Eco, I haven't stopped taking notes and brainstorming.  One of my "routes to market" is holding a market stall and this is probably the most exciting opportunity.  I need to buy some equipment and stock up on some products to merchandise, so this isn't something I can rush into, it requires alot of planning and more importantly, money which I don't quite have at the moment!

I went for a lovely walk a few days ago, we don't get clear sunny days very often so when we do I try to get outdoors and get some exercise. 

Feels like weeks

I had one of those oh shit! moments just now, I honestly couldn't remember when I had last updated this blog!  Turns out it has only been 5 days or so, but it feels so much longer.

It probably feels that way because I have been absolutely flat out busy, I had 5 farms to visit in 4 days this week for milk sampling, two of those had quite large herds so it took about 3 hours to sample each of them.  I was shattered when I got home last night, but good at the same time.  I got horribly lost (well, I thought I was!) trying to find one farm the day before I was due to work there, someone else was doing the sampling that afternoon and she wanted me to come in and see what the procedure was for that parlour (EVERY milking parlour I have ever been into has it's own unique system for collecting samples - so weird!).  Anyway I drove for almost an hour before I finally came home as mad as hell, I was so worked up from trying to find this freaking farm.  The next morning when I finally found it, I discovered that I had driven almost right past the road.  Unbelievable.  I gave up looking in the end because it was getting dark and I was scared of getting lost!

The other thing that has kept me occupied this week is my online training for my new role as distributor for Wikaniko.  There is so much to learn and I just love their products so I have been studying my backside off.

As a self employed distributor, I get to have my own website www.embrace-eco.co.uk, this is my very own domain name which "points" to my Wikaniko shop where customers can register and buy products, and if they are interested in becoming distributors there is a link they can follow, fill out a form and it will be sent to me.  If they join, I get a small percentage of their sales as my reward!  The bigger the team I build, the more profit I make.

I also have a blog www.embrace-eco.blogspot.com which my customers will be able to follow for product reviews, information on how to live a more environmentally friendly lifestyle, and as the customer base grows I will be adding competitions for them to win free products and gift vouchers.

For all of this to work I have to treat it as my own business, I can set my own hours and days to work too which means Andrew & I will be able to have the same time off together.

Ch-ch-ch-ch changes

I have had to delete some of my latest blog entries due to privacy issues.

The blog address has changed slightly too and I am making this blog available by invitation only, as I had someone contact me on a forum today asking if I had "that Keeping up with the Joneses blog".  This person was using google blog search and found my blog by using a key word.  Creepy.

I didn't realize my blog was so open to everyone, I was sure I had the security settings at the highest level.  Apparently not.

Sunshine!

We've had some lovely weather in the past week after having alot of rain.

Yesterday was a gorgeous sunny day, Daz aka Freaky Boy came over for a visit and we went into Shaftesbury for lunch at the Salt Cellar Cafe which overlooks Gold Hill.  We went for a stroll down Gold Hill afterward, and then along the next street which is lined with some of the most quaint cottages in Dorset.  It's no wonder Dorset is so expensive to live in!

Today is shaping up to be the same, only not as cold, so I'm off to do some shopping, pop into the Vets' for Andrew, and maybe start preparing the garden for some vegetable crops.  We weren't going to plant anything because we were possibly leaving in a month's time, but after some contemplation yesterday and this morning we have decided to hold off on renting and changing jobs so we can build up some savings.

Grocery shopping awaits!

Whatley (is now Not-ley)

http://www.swallows.co.uk/Property-To-Rent-Whatley-Frome-PI-79.htm


The website won't allow me to copy photos and post them here, so you will have to look at the link.


Isn't it gorgeous?  It's only one bedroom which I believe is upstairs but the downstairs area looks open and spacious, so that would be great for guests, either on the sofa bed or the king size Aerobed.  My only issue is, we need storage space for "stuff", and this place doesn't appear to have that.


It's on the shortlist for viewing anyway, so once we've been to have a look around we'll have a better idea.


GONE.

This rental property hunting is already starting to piss me off, and we haven't even seen one house yet.

It seems that any property with some character or quirkiness is snapped up.  I have phoned three agents and had at least six properties crossed off my list in the space of two hours.

I hate this already!

Gone

It was too good to be true.

The gorgeous barn conversion below is a holiday house, the owners were only advertising to fill vacancies for a couple of months.  That's no good to us, we need somewhere permanent!  I don't want to be moving in, only to move again in two months.  I think their ad was quite deceptive.

A couple of other properties we had earmarked are gone as well, so may not be as easy as we'd hoped.

Another one

While browsing for rental properties today, Andrew came across this little beauty.

The ad was first placed in early January so we aren't getting our hopes up yet.  I'm sure this kind of house is very sought after so I will be very surprised if it hasn't been snapped up yet.

Beautiful two bedroom property situated on a rural small holding in Spring Gardens, Frome, Somerset. This stunning property is a fully furnished barn conversion which benefits from many features including an open plan living/kitchen area with glass doors allowing maximum light exposure, gorgeous wooden beams in both bedrooms and a private garden and patio area. Also comprises of bathroom with shower facility, downstairs WC, parking and outhouse. Excellent location with access to Bath and Bristol and ready for occupancy. More photos available on request. Please note that council tax is included in the rental price. 

(my bold)

Council tax is usually paid by the occupant in the UK, but it depends on the owner.  At the place we live now, Andrew is paid a very good salary so we have to pay the council tax (and Dorset council taxes are significantly higher than Somerset!).


Please cross your fingers, toes and anything else you can that we get the answer we want for this property!  If we get it, we can sell the cooker Andrew bought before I arrived, as well as the washer/dryer so that will help to free up a bit of cash. 

Busy week

I only worked at one farm last week because Andrew & I were meant to be spending 3 days up north in Coventry, so this week I had FIVE farms to visit, two were ES (essential sampling) farms which meant I only had to visit them once, the other three I had to visit twice.  One of the ES farms alternates from an evening milking one month to a morning milking the next month.  So I had to be up at 4am yesterday, to get ready (I am so not a morning person) and drive in the dark to a farm I had only been to once before.  And yes, I got lost.  Well, not lost, I just missed the road I was supposed to turn down.  Which meant I drove probably another two miles before I knew I'd gone too far.  The joys of country living in the UK.  Not all roads are signposted, and even if they are, the road doesn't always have a name.

Anyway, long story short is that I have survived my busiest week so far.  It feels good, I feel like I have achieved alot, but I am so tired now!

Andrew has been following a job lead from the cattle show in Coventry and he is really keen to try something different, rather than being a herdsman.  I have encouraged him for a long time now get away from just milking cows and pursue his real passion which is cattle genetics.  This job will require him to visit farms and sell new genetics to the farmers and help them to improve the standard of their herds.  I think it will suit Andrew so much because he loves to talk about cows.  So a change of direction in his career also means a change of address.  I have the responsibility of searching for potential properties for us to live, but closer to Frome.

Here are a few links to my favourites so far, I hope they work, but if you are in Aus they may not:

Alfred Street this place is not my ideal as it is an apartment, but if we don't like anything else this could be all that we can afford.  I like the size of the windows and the rooms.

Kingfisher Drive  price-wise it's good, seems to be a good standard of house but nothing remarkable about it except the street name, kitchen looks good if small


LET AGREED :( period home, Westbury love the garden, the kitchen and the period features, rooms look like they are in good proportion too.  Looks shabby at the front of the house but not going to let that deter me.  As long as the place is in good nic.

Richmond Road downside is that it is in the middle of town, but I love the proportion of the rooms and the kitchen looks great.  Tiny backyard though :-(

1 BR cottage downside is that it is only a 1BR place, but it has alot of character and seems airy and light

Green Parlour, Radstock this one is out of town (good), but not enough pics to really know if it's right for us.  Description of the house sounds promising.

Southfields, Frome we like this one moreso for its location.  Ok on the inside

LET AGREED :(Barn conversion, Rode looks quaint but only has one bedroom, which is no good if we have guests come to stay

There are a couple more to link but I'm struggling to keep my eyes open so I will get those up later.

FB is back on the menu

I couldn't keep my FB account deactivated for very long, I missed being able to keep up with everyone, plus I had quite a few people expressing their disappointment that they wouldn't be able to keep in touch (only via email which isn't as exciting is it really?).  So I am back on FB, count yourself lucky if you are still my friend (kidding!!  I haven't deleted anyone)

The cattle show was really boring this year, I guess I knew what to expect this time.  I took my knitting with me and got a little bit done, I felt really self-conscious and quite silly, I must have been the only person there who wasn't interested in looking at cows.  It took 3hrs to get there, 3.5hrs to come back and even though I did nothing all day (Andrew drove all the way both trips) I was exhausted when we got home, crawled into bed and slept about 11hrs straight.  Probably because I had to get up at 6am.

Change of plans

We didn't go to the national all breeds show today like we planned.  We will be going on Wednesday instead, driving up early in the morning and driving home in the afternoon.  Our original plan was to go today, stay two or three nights, then come home.  But we are trying to cut down on spending so Andrew wants to do it all in a day.

Tonight we are having a Chinese banquet for dinner, that is our little splurge compromise, and as I will be getting paid at the end of this week we can afford to treat ourselves to some takeaway and I get a night off from cooking (besides, it's too cold to be standing in the kitchen, I'm quite happy to stay here on the sofa)!

Strange day, good day

We've had sunshine, snow flurries, sunshine again, then snow flurries.  There's only a dusting on the ground, very patchy and not photo worthy.

Andrew has gone out for a boy's day out at the cinema with Daz aka Freaky Boy, they went to see some gory movie that I am definitely not interested in seeing.  So I have been enjoying the peace and quiet at home, pottering about doing housework, and popping outside to clean the windows when the weather is calm enough.

I have picked up more farms for work, my supervisor Ken just called to ask me to do a new farm on Friday afternoon so I have a total of 9 farms to do this month.  One of the milk samplers has injured her back so while one person has to cover for her, I have to cover for them which means I could end up with even more work while Karen is recuperating.  This is all good, it means more money for Andrew & I!

FB

If you were on my friends list on FB, please be assured that I still like you, I just decided to delete my account.  You know how to contact me if you need to :-)

Have I mentioned how much I love....

my Dyson?

I don't know what's come over me, I've never been this house proud before.  I'm vacuuming twice a week, giving the bathroom a quick tidy-up ever second day (sometimes every day, depending on how badly the black bath towels shed their fluff!) and *shock horror* making the bed.

Last night we had a few friends over for pizza night, I had the house literally glowing on their arrival.  No, it wasn't on fire, I just had the whole lounge room aglow with tealights, as well two of my home made candles on the front step for their arrival.  I should have taken some pics, dammit. Must do that next time.

Something I'm not happy about at the moment is our Hotpoint washer/dryer.  If you ever think of buying a combined washer/dryer, be sure that the machine has a lint filter for the drying stage.  My machine doesn't have a lint filter, so you can imagine what our lovely cream coloured bed linen looked like when it came out of the machine.  It is a MESS.  I'll have to take the linen to the local laundromat to wash and dry it properly there.  I'm so annoyed, I want to sell the machine and buy a new one... ggrrr....

She's home :-)

Mum was released from hospital yesterday and she is glad to be home (aren't we all!).  She hardly slept in hospital, what with the other patients, the constant beeps and alarms from various machines and monitors, and the nurses buzzing about.  I know from my own experience when I had the stroke in 2004 that you never go to hospital for peace and quiet, my most vivid memories are of curtains being thrown back at 7am (just as I'm starting to go into a deep REM sleep), nurses talking loudly and emphasizing their words and making bizarre attempts at sign language at me (they instantly treat all patients as if they are deaf for some reason) and then poking and prodding me for endless blood tests.

Andrew & I are looking forward to two days off, we are going to visit Gran on Wednesday and maybe catch up with some friends, and then on Thursday Andrew has a job interview at a farm not far from where we are living. Whatever job he does end up getting, I hope it doesn't mean moving too far as it will probably mean me also having to find a new job.  My current employer pays me for mileage and I don't think they'd be keen on paying me to drive an extra 20 miles for each farm I have to visit.